GORGEOUS!!!

This woman is soo beautiful that I think you must all admit that it hurts to look at her! At least that's how I feel...she is exotic perfection. And Joel thinks her "eyes are too big" and "too spaced apart"--INSANITY!!

Anyways, I don't know what I'm even doing right now...my mind is wandering all over the place. I've been thinking how hard it will probably be for me to even keep up with this blog...I have good intentions, but all my best thoughts seem to come pouring in once my head is already on my pillow (alas), and not when I'm sitting in front of my computer. For instance, last nite I wanted to write something after I got home from my nite with the girls. We saw "Swingin' It" at the Benedum...and it was nice, but my favorite part was just talking with my friends and walking around downtown enjoying the perfect day (68 degrees in March!), as well as watching and smiling at complete strangers. So...I was in *that* kind of mood...reflective, mellow, and just a little bit sad/melencholy, but expressing that on a blog is tough. As a result, I didn't bother even trying, but once I laid down to sleep, I couldn't--cause my head was full. Great.
I believe (for what it's worth now) that as I was trying to sleep, I was thinking about a comment I'd made to Emily that evening...about emotions causing actual, physical pain (hence my above comments about Aishwarya Rai...far more superficial than what I was saying yesterday, but connected none-the-less). I was thinking about the psychology/biology of it...emotional & physical pain...and I was also remembering this story about lepers in India...how for them, pain was a gift...it protected them their bodies being destroyed. As their leprosy grew worse, they couldn't feel anymore, and they ended up losing fingers/toes/entire limbs because of it. So, ok, I'll buy that pain can sometimes be a gift...it can be a warning to us when something is wrong. But most of the time, when we feel pain, it's just a nuisance...I mean, we *already* know that something is wrong...all we're doing is trying to cope with it...trying to find some relief or comfort. Last nite, as I watched certain parts of the ballet, I was actually suprised at how much emotion I felt--in the form of total excrutiating physical pain. I thought I might be having a heart attack the muscles in my chest were so tight. Not because the Frank Sinatra-inspired ballet was so "moving" or anything, but just because of the subject matter...Love being sung about...Love acted out and expressed between dancers.......I hadn't expected that...that it would be some "lovey-dovey" show...and I certainly hadn't expected to be so affected by 'instances of love' if they were presented to me. But I was, and it was difficult. And though I didn't get to get any of this out last nite, I fell asleep anyways...and when I woke up, it was a new day, full of good things...the details of which I will now recount:

I woke up to discover that the woman who offered to help me with my out of state tax filing had office hours from 4 to 6pm! (Delightful news considering I had previously understood she only worked until 1pm--right around the time I've just been waking up.) Not only did she take care of everything for me on the spot, she only charged me $65 to do it!...when every other tax office I called quoted me close to $200! While I was in her office, my brother called me...he was going to some 20-person Poker Tournament at some Dr.'s house in West Virginia and wanted to see if I wanted to come. I was soo happy, and I figured with the $$$ I just saved on taxes, (not to mention the $450+ I found out I'm getting back this year) I could afford a $20 buy-in. So I went, and I'm proud to say I played pretty well...I took down an elderly man with a Full House which I caught on the River and that impressed everyone! I was the only girl there too, so it made me feel good to know that I could hold my own and be able to keep up with the competition. In the end, I didn't bring home any cash, but I did finish 6th overall...and that's plenty good enough for me! I was playing against Doctors and Lawyers for crying out loud! ;)

I called my exboyfriend on the way home...left him a message about how I'd done in the tournament...and he actually called me back right away. I was pretty shocked since I really hadn't heard from him at all this week--at least, not since a horrible phone conversation on Monday which resulted in him hanging up on me. I had anticipated that *this* talk would be just as bad if not worse, but I'm happy to say it was not. It's strange, the things that go on between two people...the things only they can really know about and understand. Tonite we had a talk that actually made me remember that at least at one time, we were two people who did share love for one another. Sometimes, I think that's all I need to know to go on... When I doubt that it was *ever* real, that's when the afore-mentioned heart attack comes on...but when I rest, easy and assurred, that while it may be over now, and while it may have ended horribly, that it was true and real for a time, then I have the closest thing to peace that I've felt in a while.

(And...it didn't feel too bad when the cute younger brother of the Dr. whose house we were at tonite was chatting it up with me and telling me I should "come around more often" either! ;)