sleep.evades.me

Soo...it is now coming close to 10pm Thursday...and I still haven't slept yet. Crazy, yes, I know. Especially when you consider that this is actually the 2nd time this week that I've done this--gone all day w/o sleeping that is--but at least the other day I napped for 3 hours! Last nite I sooo regretted knowing that *if* I went to sleep, I would sleep through a beautiful day, and I just really did not want that to happen. So, I took action.

I decided I would stay awake, all thru the pre-dawn hours, right thru the morning, into the afternoon, and that I would even go out and spend a few hours in the sunshine and warm air before the sun set. And that's just what I did. Brad Frank called me on his way home from school and we decided to venture to a park in Washington called Mingo. We hiked for 2 hours--1 hour on a path and 1 hour creating our own path thru the woods. We discovered ruined foundations to some old house, some nice yellow and black bird feathers, a really deep well with no cover(!) hidden in the middle of the woods, and some nice fish in a creek. We also jogged up a hill. After we were sufficiently achey and winded, we decided to call it a day.

As we were driving home, Brad popped in some random cd, and I commented that it reminded me of Django Reinhardt. Turns out it was him! Who knew Brad was a fan??! haha I then asked Brad if he'd ever watched "Sweet and Lowdown" (a movie I have been *craving* recently!)--he hadn't, so we decided to come back here and watch it. However, we then got distracted by another beautiful spot and we just had to stop the car. It was this really pretty lake/pond sorta close to my house, but I never knew it existed! It actually is very near to where Naked Bob's house is/was!!! Strange. So, yeah, we never watched "Sweet and Lowdown", but soon...yes, soon.

Anyways, since my last post was ugly, I will now post some beauty to balance things out. "Beauty" as defined by me tonite are some black and whites wherein I compare Brad Yoder (yep, that top one is him) to Ralph Fiennes (bottom, of course). I see some similarities...anyone else agree? Admittedly I could have posted a better picture of Yoder, one where he's actually posing very similar to Ralph and you can see both of their faces, but the problem was it was too small and I like how these two are the same size. Whatever...I haven't slept in yeeears!!!

Yodes.

Fine.

And now it is most *definately* time for bed...it's 10:03pm...this may just be the best sleep of my life.

Stone Babies: Calcium is Weird!

Tonite I watched this crazy documentary about "Lithopedion" (litho = stone; pedion = child). For those of you among my friends who are squeamish, you may resent this picture, but actually, I just remembered that several of you attended not even one, but two different displays in Philly wherein you may have actually *seen* things like this in person, so nevermind!



That having been said...Meet Lithy. He is a Stone Baby. Apparently, when a fertilized egg implants itself *outside* of the uterus, in his case, his mother's abdominal wall, it dies and is sometimes too large (because it has started to develop) to be reabsorbed by the mother's body or expelled as in a normal miscarriage, so the mother's body defends itself against infection by calcifying the fetus! I think it's absolutely crazy and completely fascinating just *how* our bodies are equipt to protect ourselves! A "Stone Baby" can and even HAVE remainded inside women for 40 years!!! This is, of course, in poorer nations where medical knowledge and help is not readily available. I watched this woman from a poor village in Morocco undergo an operation on the show to have her calcified child removed after 40+ years of living with him "sleeping" inside her, as she and the people in her village believed! But it didn't *have* to be removed--I mean, they don't *hurt* the women carrying them or anything...in fact, according to Wikipedia (James is my fave for introducing me to this!), most go undetected until a woman comes in for *other* conditions and is examined and usually X-rayed.

Now, most are not as large as the one I have pictured above. His story is particularly fascinating. As I already mentioned, cases where the Stone Babies remain inside their mothers for decades usually occur in poorer, less-educated parts of the world. The mother of this particular Stone Baby thought that "everything was going fine with her pregnancy...but the baby just never came out." Wow...she told the Dr. who finally removed him that she had been pregnant....3 YEARS EARLIER!!!

Craziness. Read more here if you like!

"Singing Dreams"

Thanks to Beth, I can now give Raj, and his poem, their proper tribute. Part of me feels shy in posting this, only because some could find the imagery or rhyming cheesey, but it's something that a good friend sat down and put his time and his heart into on my behalf, so it will always be very special to me. Also, in a lot of his imagery, he really manages to describe just how battered my heart felt and deflated my dreams seemed to be, thus providing understanding and empathy that was deeply touching and helpful to me. Hope you'll enjoy...

"Singing Dreams"

The moon full of mirth is finally on the rise

A toothy grin spreads on a face broad in size

She rains down a river of silver all about you

Washing you in a shimmering dreamy hue

The frigid winter sun has long ago gone down

Taking in his wake all the day’s busy sound

Leaving us alone beneath a blanket of starry mirth

This is a night set for dreaming and rebirth

Yet you sit lack luster on scabby knees

Did you forget the weightlessness of a summer breeze?

On such a notorious night why do your eyes tear,

Did the day steal away all your dreams dear?

Leaving only a blank sterility to unfurl?

They weren’t silly dreams girl

Yet you believe them gone and long dead

Lost your grip trying to hold on and they fled

You witnessed them wilt and die hard

And their passing has left you marred

Now you can only stumble along on this sacred night

Instead of getting up and taking flight

In place of butterfly wings you only have scars

And you can’t play with the angel-faced stars

Girl, I told you those dreams weren’t silly!

More like marigolds than some wilting lily

Like you they’ve survived the long rough road

And like you they’ve somehow outlasted the cold

Same as you their flawless hide has long gone

But you see our collection of scars each sing a song

And your marred form has birthed even better wings

Which won’t wither nor wilt under winter’s cling

Your dreams have grown older and wiser same as you

But you both look fresh under this moonlit view

You both have stories to tell estranged for so long

It was a tough time where friends seemed gone

You’ve got your friends now so go and rest

The heart with many marks dreams best

Pictures of Rakhis!

A nice rakhi so that you all can know what the heck I was talking about in my last post!

Tying a rakhi onto her brother's wrist

Rakhi Greetings!

And more rakhis

Yeeeeeoooowwww!!!

I tried to add this the other nite and failed! Glad to see Blogger working with us once more! Oh, this picture, yeah...it's me...me dancin' the nite away...happy as can be! Love it.

So tonite I got an email from someone who was pretty dear to me during my time in India. No, not Jonny Boy--though he did call me last nite and that was really sweet as well! This email was from a guy who I actually thought I was in love with for a while, but, like all my loves, they prove to be somewhat impossible situations. This guy, also like Jon, was a great brother to me--in a true Indian sense and otherwise. In India, esp. in ultra conservative places like Varanasi, it's not really appropriate, or safe, for women to be out and about on their own, so "Raj" was my protector. He took me to buy train tickets, showed me where to get great chicken tikka, he even took me to buy my first punjabi suits! haha Now *that's* true brother territory! There's a festival every year in India called "Raksha Bandhan" where sisters tie a cord (called a rakhi) around their brother's wrist. In doing this, she is honoring and thanking him for honoring and protecting her. She is also asking him to continue to protect her and uphold her honor. I missed this year's festival and therefore never gave Raj his rakhi, so this is in honor of him:

As I was leaving India, Raj wrote a farewell poem for me called "Singing Dreams". I just sat down and read it again this evening and it really touched me. My favorite line is "The heart with many marks dreams best." And if I could figure out the damn cut & paste method for Blogger, I'd post it on here!! hahaha I guess it's not going to happen tonite! But I just want to say that it was really special in that he was giving dignity to something that I've many times come to doubt, feel foolish about, even loathe...that "something" being my dreams.

I had big dreams once...big ideals...but they got the shit kicked out of them over there and I'm *still* trying to figure out what happened. But, more importantly, I'm trying to figure out where to go from here with what (if anything) has been left of them. So, thank you Raj for believing in the dignity of our dreams...of my dreams...and for upholding my honor and theirs.

"We're gonna be french fries! Human french fries!"

Tonite was a nite of hilarity--courtesy of these guys (see below). (And, of course, many thanks to Emily for bringing them into our lives.) Woww...



I am now enjoying a few other things, such as:

1) Uploading music to my computer (Denison Witmer, selected Tom Petty, and music from the English Patient--a movie which we are clearly never going to watch... *LOUD SIGH*)

2) Reading a nice excerpt from a Wes Anderson review (courtesy of this gal) wherein his characters in Tenenbaums are compared to some of John Irving's. "A menagerie of eccentrics a la John Irving" was how they put it.

3) BLOGGING!

And soon I will be sleeeeeeeping!!!

My 'Glamorous' Night...

...as described by Emily Faye. Ah, yes, it was indeed the *glamour* of the 31st Street Pub that has truly worn me out this evening. As far as venues go, it is most definately not a place I like to hang out at, but it was fun to go out and support our friends and hear them play. Joel sings like an angel! hahahaha But it's true! I'm eagerly awaiting the debut performance of Joel Cd Band II here. Don't miss it!

GORGEOUS!!!

This woman is soo beautiful that I think you must all admit that it hurts to look at her! At least that's how I feel...she is exotic perfection. And Joel thinks her "eyes are too big" and "too spaced apart"--INSANITY!!

Anyways, I don't know what I'm even doing right now...my mind is wandering all over the place. I've been thinking how hard it will probably be for me to even keep up with this blog...I have good intentions, but all my best thoughts seem to come pouring in once my head is already on my pillow (alas), and not when I'm sitting in front of my computer. For instance, last nite I wanted to write something after I got home from my nite with the girls. We saw "Swingin' It" at the Benedum...and it was nice, but my favorite part was just talking with my friends and walking around downtown enjoying the perfect day (68 degrees in March!), as well as watching and smiling at complete strangers. So...I was in *that* kind of mood...reflective, mellow, and just a little bit sad/melencholy, but expressing that on a blog is tough. As a result, I didn't bother even trying, but once I laid down to sleep, I couldn't--cause my head was full. Great.
I believe (for what it's worth now) that as I was trying to sleep, I was thinking about a comment I'd made to Emily that evening...about emotions causing actual, physical pain (hence my above comments about Aishwarya Rai...far more superficial than what I was saying yesterday, but connected none-the-less). I was thinking about the psychology/biology of it...emotional & physical pain...and I was also remembering this story about lepers in India...how for them, pain was a gift...it protected them their bodies being destroyed. As their leprosy grew worse, they couldn't feel anymore, and they ended up losing fingers/toes/entire limbs because of it. So, ok, I'll buy that pain can sometimes be a gift...it can be a warning to us when something is wrong. But most of the time, when we feel pain, it's just a nuisance...I mean, we *already* know that something is wrong...all we're doing is trying to cope with it...trying to find some relief or comfort. Last nite, as I watched certain parts of the ballet, I was actually suprised at how much emotion I felt--in the form of total excrutiating physical pain. I thought I might be having a heart attack the muscles in my chest were so tight. Not because the Frank Sinatra-inspired ballet was so "moving" or anything, but just because of the subject matter...Love being sung about...Love acted out and expressed between dancers.......I hadn't expected that...that it would be some "lovey-dovey" show...and I certainly hadn't expected to be so affected by 'instances of love' if they were presented to me. But I was, and it was difficult. And though I didn't get to get any of this out last nite, I fell asleep anyways...and when I woke up, it was a new day, full of good things...the details of which I will now recount:

I woke up to discover that the woman who offered to help me with my out of state tax filing had office hours from 4 to 6pm! (Delightful news considering I had previously understood she only worked until 1pm--right around the time I've just been waking up.) Not only did she take care of everything for me on the spot, she only charged me $65 to do it!...when every other tax office I called quoted me close to $200! While I was in her office, my brother called me...he was going to some 20-person Poker Tournament at some Dr.'s house in West Virginia and wanted to see if I wanted to come. I was soo happy, and I figured with the $$$ I just saved on taxes, (not to mention the $450+ I found out I'm getting back this year) I could afford a $20 buy-in. So I went, and I'm proud to say I played pretty well...I took down an elderly man with a Full House which I caught on the River and that impressed everyone! I was the only girl there too, so it made me feel good to know that I could hold my own and be able to keep up with the competition. In the end, I didn't bring home any cash, but I did finish 6th overall...and that's plenty good enough for me! I was playing against Doctors and Lawyers for crying out loud! ;)

I called my exboyfriend on the way home...left him a message about how I'd done in the tournament...and he actually called me back right away. I was pretty shocked since I really hadn't heard from him at all this week--at least, not since a horrible phone conversation on Monday which resulted in him hanging up on me. I had anticipated that *this* talk would be just as bad if not worse, but I'm happy to say it was not. It's strange, the things that go on between two people...the things only they can really know about and understand. Tonite we had a talk that actually made me remember that at least at one time, we were two people who did share love for one another. Sometimes, I think that's all I need to know to go on... When I doubt that it was *ever* real, that's when the afore-mentioned heart attack comes on...but when I rest, easy and assurred, that while it may be over now, and while it may have ended horribly, that it was true and real for a time, then I have the closest thing to peace that I've felt in a while.

(And...it didn't feel too bad when the cute younger brother of the Dr. whose house we were at tonite was chatting it up with me and telling me I should "come around more often" either! ;)

It's late...

I'm so sleepy, but I'm not giving up my efforts to figure out how to get pictures on here just yet!
I got a nice/funny one of me cracking up about something (though it also looks as if I could be in considerable pain...) that Nathan took and used it for my profile (see above left..haha). I believe it was taken from "Braces Party", where there was plenty of drunken fun & laughs to be had.
Now to add another oldie, but goodie:

RIDICULOUS!!!

Inspiration

My friend Jason thinks that his rants and raves are exactly the things to turn people off to blogs and cause them to "wince". I, however, would like to correct that by saying that his blog has inspired my own. I mean, I already have a completely fake online personality, so I figured I need somewhere where I can actually be real. Hence, this space.

Today was a completely productive day! I managed to *finally* get my W2s and go to H&R Block, got my car inspected (and it passed...amazingly. for details, read on), and found someone to change my brake pads and rotors for FREE (yes, the guys at Monroe, who I usually despise I should add, were kind to me and passed me without charging me $210 to fix my brakes. They told me that they need to be changed immediately though and suggested I find a friend to do the work for free! Doug of Monroe Muffler, you are my new best friend! Thank you for having a heart...for once.) Then I hung out with my friend Brad Frank and this was the most productive time of all! I had such a nice time with him tonite! We sat around and looked at a bunch of pictures he's taken over the years...Brad's a really good photographer, he's never had any class or training in it, but he just takes these beautiful shots all the time, without even trying it seems! He had some photos, that other friends of his had taken, framed and hanging on his walls, so I decided that we should go thru his own pictures, pick out the best ones, find the negatives, and plan a little art project where we go and have them blown up and framed. Then we did some reminiscing, drank hot tea, and watched Garden State. It was a lovely nite.

By the way, for those who may be interested, Brad Frank is actually the one behind THIS. Pure Genius! Many thanks to you, Brad!